At church last week all the people going to Urbana from TCBC were invited to the front so that the church can pray for them. Urbana being a conference held this year (and every few years) geared towards students and focussed primarily on Missions however this year has a few other tracks that are still I guess "mission" focussed, just not in the obvious first thought of what missions is.
So it was mentioned during right before the prayer that hey, these students are going here, and perhaps it'll change their lives. These students are mostly on the brink of "making the most important decision of their life, what to do with it". As I heard that it struck me, that wait a minute, this is not going to be the most important decision of their life. There are gonna be many more decisions in their life that'll seem like it's the most important decision of their life. This just SEEMS like it's huge because it's happening now. But when they decide, "do i want to marry this girl/guy", or "do i want to make a career change", "is God calling me to do full time ministry", those will also seem like one of the most important decisions in their life and they may not come at this point in their life.
In fact the more I think about it the more I am inclined to think that no decision in life is more important than the last or the next. Everytime we make a decision in our life it'll seem big. I think I'm at that point now, kind of wondering what to do. What to choose? In fact i'm quite bothered by it.
I've been reading this book that my church gave out that is basically a devotional book, and has some reflection for every day of advent. So i've been reading it every day, even when I am about to sleep, crawl into bed, and remember, wait, I forgot to read it, I get back up so I don't miss a day. I figure if I let one day pass without reading, it'll be just that much easier the next time to not read it.
So as I said, I'm quite bothered lately with a lot of questions in my life, decisions points. And then yesterday was quite down cause had some conversations that just keeps me thinking. And then I read the day's devotion about Joseph, Jesus' father. Talks about how God came to Joseph to calm him, because Mary having conceived a child that is not his is a total slap in his face and bringing Mary home would be culminating the marriage. And so Joseph probably didn't know what to do (or perhaps he already decided to not bring Mary home). This devotion focusses on dilemmas and hard decisions we have to make. And then of course the devotion focusses straight back on "after making the best choice we can in the light of reason, we can let go and trust God to help us in ways beyong our understanding... then let go trusting totally in God, the Divine Sporit can break through our confusiuon to enlighten our path and fill us with peace about our choice." No matter how many times i am reminded about this, it always hits me at the right time.
Perhaps this is why I am so bothered by the decisions I have to make, it's probably because I do not trust myself in making the right decision. Whereas perhaps deeply inside I do not trust God that the decision that is made is the right decision. I really should just let go, make a decisions, and let it run it's course.
I should really share some about my experience in HK and Beijing. So much to share about that and I actually did write something about it, but then decided not to post it. Or really started writing to a point, and never finished it. Perhaps you can ask me more about it.
On a side note, I watched this chinese movie on tv on saturday (CFMT @ 9PM). It was about this couple who got married, the guy cheated, they threatened divorce, they seperated, guy wanted girl back, guy got girl back, and they end off the show with each of them "contacting" (one by text msg, and another by letters) the girl he was with and the guy she met while seperated. Man, I really hated this ending because it shows that even though the couple is together, they still hold pretty big secrets from each other. and perhaps they aren't really mentally "with" each other. What a crap ending. I hope relationships isn't like that.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
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5 comments:
Wow, Jon-c, you seem to be thinking intensely and examining life's many important matters. That's awesome; keep sharing.
really, the standing in front and praying for people to go to mission or anything like that... why, just pray for them, just pray,
i never understand that.
it makes us think we are so "big" because we are going to a conference!
sorry, just very frustrated with the "celebrities" status thing going on in Chinese Christians "community"?
i think the purpose of the standing in front and praying for them is more about knowing who you are praying for.
not that is matters THAT much, but i think there is some added value to know who you are praying for.
and really, going up to the front really isn't that special, it just happens to be the place where you can see them.
Re: decision making
Jon! And to think I thought I was the only one with a tendency to make a big deal out of something that will undoubtedly seem trivial weeks/days/years down the road! Hahaha! Actually, I just read in some magazine (I am thinking it was Chatelaine? Hhaha, I cannot believe I admit to reading Chatelaine!) some article about some woman who has this ... let's call it a thing... and whenever she makes a decision or faces a problem, she thinks about how the decision/problem will effect her 10 days/months/years from now. And it just puts things into perspective for her. When I read it, I was like, "Wow." Of course, I'm totally butchering the story here.
Re: Hong Kong + Beijing
Yes! You should share stories! You know what'd be even better? Stories AND pictures! :)
Re: Chinese movie on adultery (I didn't know what else to call it!)
This is why I don't watch Chinese movies. Oh wait. I don't watch Chinese movies because I can't fully understand them. :P
If you put God first, there IS no wrong decision. Whether a decision is "right" or "wrong" has NOTHING to do with its consequences, but it has EVERYTHING to do with what's in your HEART.
On second thought, maybe you're not so much worried about making the right or wrong decisions, but whether you have to face "undesired" consequences. But we can't really do anything about that can we?
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