When things don't go our way

Throughout life I have been through enough trials, enough tests, and how I fared, well I guess that'll be determined when I die. However I must say I can't say that through all I have done, I have had any regrets. the choices I have made, and the paths I have taken, have all been relatively good. Things have worked out, and served a purpose, and I move on.

Many good things that I have wanted have come true. Example, in my last year of highschool, I had no other purpose but to get into Engineering at UT. I did not want to go to Waterloo, did not want to go to western, just wanted to go to UT. And that I did, however not without some obstacles, like the six OAC courses in my last year plus one more course on top of that. Then getting the dreaded "think" envelope from the Engineering Dept. We all know big envelopes are good things, and small enveloped signal rejection. However, to my surprise, it was a letter of acceptance and the course books and material were to follow in another package. God really shined that day, I felt like I was no top of the world. Then I got some scholarships that I had no business getting, but God does work in strange ways. I don't know how I got these, because as I talked to many first year's in my program, they sounded like they had superior marks and stuff, yet they did not get anything (yeah, First year's talk about this, it's to guage who your competition is). Anyways,doesn't matter now, but let's just say at that point I felt very good.

After all this, I have also been through a lot where things have not gone my way. Like last year, when I was appying for internships. I had two I really really wanted, one for Epson in Japan, and one for Mitel in Ottawa. I did not get an interview for Mitel, but I did get one for Epson. I was so happy, that I imagined all that I would do over there, all that i would buy, how it'd be like, what i'd bring back. I had laid out everything, my whole life there, and then I got pulled back down to earth.

I guess God did not want me there, because I did not get the job, I did not get any job, unemlpoyed with no technical experience, in danger of not being able to graduate because I did not have the fulfilled hours requirements. I was really low for the first few months of last summer. Felt like why had God let me down? Why did he leave me in this situation? what am I going to do?

For like the first month and a half, I sat at home, applying for jobs, feeling sorry for myself, not being able to understand why. I had so many dreams and they were all crushed with one blow. I went around, telling my story, telling why I was so sad. And then I know I think AM said something to me one ccf, and that really helped me. If I remember what it is, I'll let you know. I probably wrote it down in a blog previously, so maybe I'l go searching. But anyways, it was probably something in the order of how God has a greater purpose, let things happen, and when you look back, you'll understand.

I respected AM a lot, and I know he went through kind of the same thing when he graduated, and came out with no job. Eventually things worked out well for him (I think). He also said something about when I apply for jobs, to not forget God, and to pray to Him and ask whether he wants me to have this job (something like that, I have such bad memory). So I did what he suggested.

so now, I look back 3 months until the beginning of the school year and I think how good things have turned out. Sure I am not fully happy with this job right now, but at times I am, and I have a feeling things may pick up.

I look back over my last year, and think, if I had gone away, I could of never been on the committee for campus Challenge. The wonderful softball season I mentioned in my last blog would not have occured, and I would have lost the best season of my softball career. And the people I have met this year, the relationships I have built, or have built with the other people would not of been, and so I ask, where would I have been if I had gotten what I wanted back then?

I can't imagine being without the things I have gained over the last year. I may have missed all the weddings I've been to over the last year, three in total. In OCtober I went to my cousin's wedding in Conneticutt. She is the first in our family to get married. Then Nolan and Pam's wedding, and last, Ken & Ann's wedding. I would have missed all these memories that I so cherish.

So you know, when things don't go your way, accept it. Keep on moving, and striving for what you want I guess, in different directions. Listen to God and what he wants of you. There is a purpose, all you have to do is listen. I fail to listen sometimes, and I think that's natural for man, but let's hope eventually I listen.

I think it's only natural instinct to feel sorry for yourself when you don't get waht you want, so I wouldn't say that's wrong, because you cannot help it. However, you should not let it stop you from continuing to try. Keep on working hard, and you will be rewarded, God says.

Of course all I have said is probably over-repetitive, and you've probably heard it many times. But repetition is not always bad, it reminds us. We can't expect to always see God's plan, and I wonder whether he expects us to? I don't think so, but he does wish for us to listen to him, and he will reveal.

I think that is why I always use the saying, "Whatever", or sometimes "I don't care". Although these are somewhat negative, but I say it because it really doesn't matter, whatever the situation was. I mean so what, smoething happens, that may offend me, or may not, has affect on me, may not. If it's not that big, and I think I can deal with it, then "whatever". I'll get on with my life now, thank-you. Of course we should also remember to thank God when good things happen, or when we realize why things happened. But I think that's why I take a "so be it" attitude a lot of times, because I know what's happened, and I'll deal with it, or I'll get help (if I need it).

We can't always sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. Maybe if things don't go our way, we can celebrate, because we know there is something even better. (I know, so idealistic, and not going to happen, but it's a suggestion?). Basically there is no way to deal with these things, when we don't get what we want. I mean have some time of solitude to think, and move on I guess. "C'est la Vie"!

Let's just hope I can follow my own advice. I can't guarantee that I can, and that may make me a hypocrite, but just because I can't always, doesn't mean you can't either.