So a few days of school under my belt, and I'm not used to it. NOt liking it too much. And worst of all, I'm not making any money! Anyways, first few classes were alright. Not too interesting actually, and hopefully they'll get better. I have to already do readings for one class. And I'm kinda getting scared. cause people are telling me my courseload is hard. I dunno, I feel I want to take courses I like whether it's hard or not. Or if not like, but sounds interesting. And if I end up failing, well, my loss I guess.

Friday was SAC carnival. Let me tell you about mypast experiences with these. Usually I walk right through, nobody talks to me, nobody asks me to join. And if I so happen to stop somewhere, I'm asking them a lot of hard questions. And those Chinese clubs, they won't even come near me. And if so happens they end up talking to me, it's English only.

This year totally different. Ended up talking to all sorts of clubs. And many of them in Cantonese. Funny about some clubs, CESA (Chinese Engineering Student Association) and UTCSA (UT Chinese Student Association). So someone came up to me and asked me to join. the UTCSA one I had to think about, and then it clicked to me which club it was. So each one of them I said "You know, I've made it through 4 years without it, and I think I can handle another year." Man, sure sounds cold, but heck, whatever. It's true, I had no intention of joining previous years, and none now either.

I went home Friday night to go to fellowship at Hosanna. I was looking forward in getting back, seeing the people. And so I get there early, and I see no cars familiar. I sit inside, looking at a picture, and some people come to me and say "It's just you alone again?". These people go to the church, have seen or know me, and know this is not the first time I've sat in the church, around the fellowship time, sitting alone.

So the start time passes, I continue calling people, no answer. Finally after a while I get a hold of one of them, and he tells me fellowship is cancelled. Seriously, I must say I was pissed. Sure I said I was not coming back every week, but still I'd like to know what's happening. There is no communication about being cancelled. And I wonder how everyone else knows. Is it just because I do not go to their church, and they talk about it the Sunday beforehand? If so, that's dumb. What if someone who does not go to the fellowship often comes this time, and find out, it's cancelled. I mean there is a email group, they should use it.

I've been living downtown for quite a few days now, and I still have not unpacked all my stuff. I don't really want to. Is it a sign of missing the usual, missing home? Because I do not unpack it's a sign I miss home? No, I don't think so. Just I am lazy, don't know what to do with all my stuff. And I don't have all the hangers to put it all, or the things I want to put stuff away.

I brought out my past high school yearbooks last night, because I was looking for someone's name. And so I started reading some of the comments people left me. I found one I had not remembered, and I have no idea who it is, because the signature is not legible. And there are some people who signed it who I had no idea was, had to match the picture back with what name I could read.

After reading all the comments, I came to a general consensus on what people thought of me. Now I am not trying to me egotistical or pompous, but this is seriously what people wrote. They thought I was a "genius", and some people thought I spent most of my time studying, and not so much fun. This worries me actually. It's peoples' perception of me. Although most of those people I do not talk to anymore, still it's interesting to know what other's think of you.

Some of the comments brought some warm feelings to me. I wish I stayed friends with some of them. But for one reason or another, it just did not happen. Even though I tried to keep in touch with some of them, just did not work out. But then I never really enjoyed high school too much. Because I fast tracked, I never got to know the people in my grade too much in the later years because was not in their classes. And same with those who were a year above me, because I did not know them at the beginning. So basically I think the lack of friends in high school made my time there not so great.

Although I have no regrets, I do with that it went better. I remember my last year I spent a lot of time in the library. I was taking all my OAC courses plus one more course for total of 7 on the year. had to get good grades in them so I could get into University. And God provided. He showed me his power, and answered my prayers. And I do wonder what ever happened to the people I knew. I know one of the guys, was not too close with him, but was friends back then. He just got drafted by the Toronto Argonauts. He went to McMaster. I never was good friend with him, but good enough to have him sign my last year book I guess.

Anyways, it's late, and I need sleep. good night.