Since I've been back

Been back in Toronto for about 2 weeks now, and been feeling a bit weird. One thing is I almost feel as if everyone is very surprised that I am not going back. You know, went there, did what I had to do, and now I am time for change here. My time there has finished and passed, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise that I am not going back.

I've been feeling very weird since I've come back, I wonder if I have changed that much. I haven't been doing anything different since I've come back from the time before I left. But I definately feel I think differently, and I am more aware of many things. I have been going back to the same churches that I went to prior to leaving, and I think that's been the more of an odd experience.

Going back to Westside, it's been feeling very odd. The small group I was apart of and that I really enjoyed stopped meeting after I left, and that was a surprise to me. And I'm not sure what it is, but just going to service I am feeling like I am starting all over again there, and that I am trying to meet people all again. Granted I didn't know too many people prior to leaving, but it feels I know them even less now, often times people who I talked to a little before just walk passed me (or I walk passed them?) and it just feels like I am lonely there again. When I go there, I'm not sure, but I think I sometimes feel sad. I don't know if I show it in my facial expression, but after I leave I feel a little sad I think. perhaps it just because I was hoping I had met more people, and maybe after leaving I realize to myself I hadn't met many people? And I'm not finding it that easy to meet them either. I walk in there and it seems everyone is so busy, running around doing things here and there, it almost looks like nobody can talk to them because people are so busy. That makes me think though, are people there too busy? Too busy even to build relationships?

I'm not sure, but I'm not sure I'm ready to get into the whole Bible game again. So many messages of "join a small group", "go to a Bible study" etc, it didn't appeal to me as much as it did before. Before when I started going to Westside, it's exactly what I was looking for and I was all ready to join a small group, go to a bible study, but now I'm not sure I even want to. What has happened?

One thing that I have learned and grown more aware of since my time in Australia, is to ensure that new people are welcomed warmly and follow up'd on regularly and as soon as possible, and as much as they are willing to be "cared" for. This goes especially for new people in the country who don't know many people. Since I went to Aus, I didn't know many people there and I really looked towards my church to find friends and there were groups of people who did reach out a lot and make me feel like I was part of their family. And then in some situations I felt there was something lacking in the friendships I had. So my goal when I feel more at home somewhere is to ensure that people feel at home in this country/church as much as possible, and I strive to go out of my way to ensure it.

Many people ask me how was Australia? I'm not even sure how to answer that question anymore. Or "so what is so great about Australia that makes it different from Canada?" I must say, those are not easy questions to answer. Yes I had a great time being there, mostly because I got to meet new people who has grown up in an entirely different place than I have, that I haven't grown up with, that has done different things than I. That in itself is what made Australia so great. Is there anything or anything you can do that you can't do anywhere else in the world? No? Unless you could kangaroos and koalas. But do those two animals make the place great, no. It's a fiest world country, that was a colony of Britain just like Canada. So that in itself can say it's similar. Do they like differently, well they are more relaxed people, but it doesn't make the place better/worse. I still think it's a great place, there are many things you can do there that you may not do here. It has many beautiful things to see, but there are beautiful things to see all over the world. I lived there on my own and that in itself was one of my best experiences there, it was fun for me. But many people may not find like "going rock climbing on a cliff" or "kayaking" or "surfing" a 'fun' thing, but I did. In short, Australia has things you can do in other places in the world, but it's Australia! And that in itself is enough.

I do miss my friends since I've come back more than when I was over there. Since I have come back I really want to see my friends, and even past friends as well. I want to know what they are up to, what they have been doing, what kind of problems they are facing, anything. but I'm also not sure how to approach certain questions. I hope that I can meet up with more people since I have come back, I really want to approach friendships differently, but so far not going so well I think.