what am i doing with my life?

you know when you start talking to someone who you don't exactly know very well but at the very least can say you know them, and they ask you, "how you been doing?". the automatic response is "things are good", or something along those lines. I wonder if those words bring comfort to them that "I am actually doing well"? However, i've been noticing myself lately that when people ask me that, I cannot honestly say to them that things are good. I struggle with how to express how I feel without getting into too much of it. But at the same time I make it apparent that things are not so dandy and I wonder, will they ask me more?

I've been having this revelation lately that perhaps I need more out of work. Perhaps there needs to be more. I don't feel just the work is enough, I am slowly thinking that more money is not enough, and thinking to myself, I just need to do more. There has been a lot of subtle signs lately around me that lead me to start thinking more about world poverty, from someones speech at the toastmasters club about poverty and the 0.7% promise to the random booth at a mall for the Engineers without borders group. So I stopped by their booth to see what they are about. Imagine this, four/five years of engineering school and hearing about Engineers without borders and all but ignoring them, that here I am almost two years out of school and looking into them and actually taking the time to understand more about them.

Their booklet that I took has these pie charts about "expenses". What they put is $40,000, the average starting engineering salary that is given up by the volunteers that go overseas, and then the $15,000 that they use each year for actual expenses. So this got me thinking, would I give up my job to volunteer overseas? Or why am I having all these feelings?

the past two weekends, I have been going to this small local coffee shop. It's about 20 minute walk away from my house, and I take the walk there to enjoy their amazing coffee, better than the second cup across the street and the starbucks down the road. It's a little cafe that wants to be like some french cafe with its outdoor patio. But I sit there reading, have done that three times in the last week and a half. It's really been nice actually, enjoying a nice cup of cappuchinno while reading some good soul food. Anyways, I must say I like that life, sitting at some cafe just relaxing, people watching, and enjoying a good book. And it totally gives me a feeling of some french cafe sitting on the patio enjoying a nice drink.

I've been trying to finish up this book I've been reading for quite a while now, and the last chapter that I read was about mourning. About the necessity of having a mourning period after something big happens. I thought to myself, have I mourned after all my sad moments in life? Funny thing is I'm not even sure, so I think, am I going to break down one day and just cry my eyes out? I know in the past I don't really mourn, like at past funerals I can't honestly say I'm in a state of mourning. so is it all going to hit my like a ton of bricks one day?